It’s been one month since my last day at school, beginning my leave of absence.
I’m not sure where I thought I would be by now. Did I expect to have everything figured out? No, but any plans I did have were put on hold when my husband got sick with the flu and pneumonia and spent time in the hospital and now is in rehab.
I have yet to settle into a routine because of this, and I feel a bit lost because of the lack of structure in my life. However, I have started exercising again, and have found that if I plan out what I am going to do every day for exercise and write it down, that I am more likely to do it. It has felt good to move but also shows me how much I have neglected myself as I huff and puff through beginner workouts. But I’m doing it, which I count as a win.
What I have also found is that I need to measure out the tasks I have to accomplish each day. Not as much with household chores, which I find I am keeping up with so much easier, but with making phone calls about long term care Medicaid, visiting with family or friends, and also visiting my husband in rehab. My therapist told me last week, “all you have to do is one thing today. And that thing will be…And tomorrow you’ll do one more thing.” It’s helpful to break it down in small steps like that because otherwise I get paralyzed with the thought of all the steps, and then it’s hard to begin at all!
A friend encouraged me to use a timer when doing work (whatever that needs to be on that day.) Work for a certain amount of time, and when the timer goes off, take a break. Even if it’s 5 or 10 minutes to change the scenery, then you go back to work for another length of time. I even have a snazzy timer that she sent me!
There are still more months to go before I return to school. I’m grateful that on top of my husband’s illness that I haven’t had to think about lesson plans and sending parent emails, etc. So in that way, it’s been a blessing that it has happened as it has. But I was required to come “out of hibernation” sooner than I wanted and face challenging decisions and emotions that have been unexpected.
At the end of the day, I can snuggle up with my kitties, enjoy the quiet, and try to put the challenges to bed for that day. I journal before I go to sleep, and pray my favorite prayer, “Jesus, I surrender myself to You. Take care of everything.”
One thing that the last month has reinforced for me is that I don’t know what the future holds, so all I can do is stay committed to trying to find the best solutions and make the best decisions that I can for that particular day. One day, one hour, one moment at a time.
To be continued…
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